How am I still breathing

Today was not as bad as yesterday. Mostly because it only began at 2pm. I haven't heard from you, still. I didn't contact you either. But now it's almost 2am and I know when I crawl under those covers and turn off the light I won't be able to run from the thoughts any more. I don't want to think about why you haven't said or done anything. I don't want to wonder if it was all a lie. I don't want to feel the anger that comes with realising you're perfectly fine without me. My eyes are pleading for just one night with no tears. But we all know that's a wish that won't be fulfilled any time soon.