For the first time, I think maybe I'm better off alone

I Know It Sounds Cheesy

but the first time I looked into your eyes they really did take my breath away.



When you caught my eye (back when we were 'just friends' even though everyone saw right through us) it was like everything around us went fuzzy and faded into darkness.




It was always so hard to look away.


I've spent the better part of the last half year wishing I could turn back time to when your heart beat faster just from being close to me. To when I made you want to be better. To when you made me better.

Self.Centred.

This is a lost cause



Fuck.You.





You C**t






Fuck Off You Fucking Bitch






(tonight i learn how to disappear completely, tonight I stop fighting the voices in my head. They sound like you, every single one, they scream these words and I cannot fight any longer)

                                                Who Are You?

I sat there lost in misery

half of me hoping you would come and put your arms around me and make everything right.
half of me trying to stop crying.


You left me there.

I don't know how long I was alone for.

It hurts very much when you realise the one you love has stopped caring the way you used to.

It hurts very much indeed.

Homesick

I do everything in slow motion.

I'm not really here.



I'm on fake grass, hiding a smile behind my hands feeling warm from the closeness of your body. 
I'm in a grey classroom, conjugating French verbs, waiting.
I'm in those eyes. In them I looked better than what I am.


But I'm here, really.

I want to go home

It kept getting worse, and worse.

And now I am 15 again.

And I will never trust anyone ever again.

How am I still breathing

Today was not as bad as yesterday. Mostly because it only began at 2pm. I haven't heard from you, still. I didn't contact you either. But now it's almost 2am and I know when I crawl under those covers and turn off the light I won't be able to run from the thoughts any more. I don't want to think about why you haven't said or done anything. I don't want to wonder if it was all a lie. I don't want to feel the anger that comes with realising you're perfectly fine without me. My eyes are pleading for just one night with no tears. But we all know that's a wish that won't be fulfilled any time soon.

It's been a while

It's been a long, long while. 

I guess this is how you know I've hit rock bottom. I have nowhere else to go. I have no one I can talk to. and if I did, what would I say?

I would trade all my worldly possessions, every single thing, for an end to this loneliness.

My eyes are always puffy, I've lost my voice from screaming into my pillow every night, the collection of scars on my upper thighs gets bigger by the day. Plenty of room there at least, you fat bitch.

Why is it so easy for everyone else? How do they not feel this way.



Someone help me.